nOn stOp

22/12/07(saturday)

晚上,快要进入梦乡了,却被回忆给阻碍住了..回忆什么呢??关于我对我妈所做的一切..回想当初我怎么对待我的母亲..我一直挺我爸,一直替我爸说好话,也一只跟我妈唱反调..!想到这个我就以经哭成泪人了..凌辰一点多跪在床边,祈求妈妈的原谅..我对她所做的一切的一切,请你原谅我..mama,i ask for your forgiveness,i know its too late to apologize to you..a heavy sin by me,.pls forgive what i had done to you ..终于体会到超出爱情友情的那个痛..失去挚爱的家人,心生不如死..好想捶死它..不要让它在跳动下去了..我的一个小学同学名叫钦丰,他在小学五年就失去了母亲,现在我终于体会到了他的痛,他的心情..请原谅我那时对你的冷漠..所以阿,不要让自己留下终生遗憾阿!否则有胆的话一定自寻短路..我的经验我了解..说实在,我一直都把她当成是去外地旅游,并切相信她有朝一日会回来的,相思她的每一天,心就有一股阵痛..别人把我像自己的孩子一样疼,我很感激,可是亲生妈妈的那种无条件的爱和付出,是无法代替和比较的..接下来的人生,我永远永远也体会不到她的关心她的无理取闹了..我唯一能做的就是疼我的爸爸了..把对妈妈的爱一起给爸爸..我不想再留遗憾了..遗憾会否定一个人的生存价值..我走过来了..

23/12/07(sunday)

morning,got up at 7.44am..rush to kemas everyting..waiting for aunty connie pick me up to her hse..one of nina's fren joanne came to her overnight for goin church too..9.40am we reached at the church..the rosary is almost finished..礼仪我也渐渐地熟了..11am结束..去一家餐厅吃fast food..我好久没吃rendang了..quite hot&spicy..一点多,我叫阿姨放我在tj..i wanted to wash&cut hair..after 40mins,then went to buy my stationary,candle and my spagheti food..tomolo im goin to cook for them for my 1st christmas eve..2pm dad came to pick me up..we went to mum's graveyard for her 1st christmas..we celebrate earlier a day for her..when i viewed frm far far away ,i saw my mum's graveyard is the most special than others..most highest&most beautiful..the 4angels is very cute,which blue in colour..we lighted up the candle,put the fresh flowers into the vase..then pray for her..when i sang at the last hym for her,i was felt dizzy such a sudden,whole body seat at the beside of mum's graveyard..那时侯还大热天,我们三个都变成烧鸡了,爸还真会挑时间..我想是因为我一整天都在走动,加上我人又*不舒服*,又大热天的,哪受的了阿..可我还是继续唱完我的歌..然后就跟我爸讲我头晕,要回家了..爸扶我走..他说我欠运动,好命过头每天都藏在家里吹冷气,当然一时不能在太阳底下被晒个精光..(OS:我又不是因为这些才晕的吧,一定是我来那个才造成晕晕的..huh..我给你我的身体看你会知道我有多晕吗!!真是的,.)大哥还作弄我说是妈妈抱着我才导致我会晕.,因为我是唯一在妈的焚墓旁边.那两个都在妈的焚前..这个人真的很欠common sense耶,被灵魂抱应该是没知觉吧..总之那时在车里超无力,就不跟他拗下去了..跟这种人沟痛简直是在伤了我的体力..他还想诱惑我说:'燕,要不要去boulevard,?我们现在就去哦..kia..',爸回煞他说不要去跟人家挤啦..他想用这个来诱惑我,门都没有..我不要回应他,专心疗我的头..慧到家就已经快要四点了,冲好凉就去睡我的觉..四个阿姨刚好来我家探望我妈..妈妈的三个姐姐和一个五妹..大家看着我家的photo album又哭成一团..咳,.